Like Butterflies
by Moro-moro
Summary: AU: Butterflies are an omen of change, the sign of a journey. Your heart should bear the wings of a butterfly and fly into the outstreched fingers of the one who loves you. One day, I will pin you down in death, my beautiful specimen... KuroFai
1. Prologue: Living is Dying

A/N: This is an AU fic! Yeah! The song at the beginning is "Living is Simple" by Switchfoot. The setting is at a college in a different Tokyo that teaches magic and combat! There should be a cameo by the real Tsubasa gang eventually. This is one of my longer running stories, twenty-one chapters, prologue and epilogue included. The chapter titles make up a poem. This is actually my first M rated story, and I'm really excited. Yes, there will be sex, near chapter four and five, but mostly it's rated for the violence that occurs due to Fai's not so steady mental condition... Since this is a longer running story, updates may be slow... I apologize, really, it makes me sad too... Please enjoy and review.

* * *

**Prologue: Living is Dying**

'_Living is simple, _

_Living is simple… _

_Living is simple, _

_Its gravity,_

_Gravity isn't so hard.' _

The coroner shook her head, her long curly hair bouncing in its ponytail. It was saddening; these two young men, and dead for no particular reason. But this was work, and she had to do it.

"Well?" The detective drawled, crossing her arms over her rather large bust.

"Just as you said. Murder/Suicide," the curly-haired girl said softly.

"COD?"

A white sheet was pulled off of one body, revealing a handsome, tan man. "This one here," the coroner said softly, "Was pushed off the balcony at the scene, then shot in the back to confirm death. The other vic was the perpetrator: there were traces of his skin under this one's fingernails. "

"And the other?" The policewoman asked after a long silence. "Go on, Himawari-chan."

Himawari pulled the sheet off of the other body. It was a beautiful young man with golden hair, half of it matted down with a sticky red substance; his pale skin was splattered with dark red blood, and his neck was covered in half-formed ligature marks.

"This one," she said, running a slim finger down and across the bruises, "Tried to strangle himself. It didn't work, only partially crushing his trachea. Half-dead, he reached for the gun he shot the other with, and shot himself in the head. Point-blank."

Himawari paused for a moment, regarding the write up. "There were hallucinogens in his bloodstream, and alcohol as well. There were marks of struggle previous to the time of murder. I don't think he wanted to perpetrate this crime, Ichihara-san."

The detective, Yuuko Ichihara, nodded; it looked like tears were forming in her maroon eyes. "I know that, Himawari-chan…"

"What? This case just came in this morning!"

Yuuko decidedly ignored the girl, silently walking over to the gurneys that held the two corpses.

She laid a gentle hand on each of their cheeks, laying a small charm of a butterfly around both necks. "Rest in peace, and travel well, Fai… Kurogane…"


	2. Chapter 1: Like Butterflies

A/N: I already had this written, so I uploaded it! So, how bad did the prologue daunt you guys? Remember, my prologues tend to lean towards the endings of the stories. So you'll have a little happiness before the sadness. Lyrics are from Switchfoot's "Living is Simple". Not much to this chapter, just an introduction, really...

* * *

**Chapter One: Like Butterflies**

'_Living is simple_

_It's entropy _

_Entropy, falling apart_

_I'm falling apart _

_Again.' _

Fai swayed slightly, but quickly caught his balance. "Just a bit more!" he mumbled, stretching out further to put the tack in the wall.

Finally, his luck ran out and he fell from his precarious perch on top of the wobbly computer chair. He closed his eyes tightly, waiting for the jarring collision with the floor.

It never came. Instead, he found himself blinking up at an angry, but handsome, tanned face.

"Hello there!" Fai cried, plastering on a smile. "Are you my roommate?"

The man dropped Fai upon seeing that he was okay. "I guess," the man grunted.

Fai grinned up at him from the floor. "I'm Fai D. Flowright! I'm a freshman here, and I'm studying magic!"

"Kurogane," the man said shortly. "Swordsmanship."

Fai blinked blankly, then grinned. "I think Kuro-chan's in the wrong dorm!"

"Kurogane!" the other student snapped. "And no. I got put here."

"Is such a big swordsman like Kuro-chichi upset about being put in a dorm called the Butterfly Wing?" Fai asked innocently, grinning childishly.

"That's not my name!" The black-haired man snapped, dropping his bags onto the floor.

The blonde shrugged. "Kuro-pinpon's bed is over there," he said, pointing to the door nearest to the closet. "I've chosen this one." He then, as testament to this, plopped face-first onto the unmade bed, sighing happily. "It's next to the window."

"So?"

"Weeeeell, I like windows because you can stare out them, and…"

Kurogane sighed; he shouldn't have asked at all. He dumped his things on the empty bed, his roommate still rambling on.

_This was going to be a very long year._

* * *

"KURO-TAAAN!" Fai shouted. "COME HERE! I NEED YOU!" 

Kurogane raced into the cramped kitchen, toothbrush clamped between his teeth. "Wha' is it?! Did 'ou set the toaster on fire 'gain?" he muttered, looking around.

Fai gave a sweet grin. "Heavens no! Do you want eggs this morning?"

"WHY YOU!" Kurogane took a swing at Fai's head, and the blonde man ducked, laughing joyously.

"What? It was important!" The blonde whined, smiling.

"I thought you were hurt or something, dammit," the swordsman-in-training hissed.

Fai cocked an eyebrow, smirking. "Kuro-myaan cares!"

Kurogane took this moment to throw a plate at the lithe blonde, who promptly ducked, showering the counter with ceramic shards.

"Ooooh! That could have hurt, Kuro-kuro!" Fai giggled, wagging a finger. "Good thing I dodged, huh?"

Kurogane bit back an angry comment, and stomped off.

Fai sighed softly, and resigned himself to cleaning up the mess.

"Butterfly, huh?" he murmured, tracing a finger against the badge he wore on his uniform, marking his dorm. "Does that mean I'm supposed to change?"


	3. Chapter 2: Like Snow

**_A/N: So, next chapter! 224 hits, but only one review... Does it suck that bad:makes a face: Anyway, things next chapter will be sheerly smut, and only a little plot, but you get a glimpse of what leads to the prologue. So... ah... Enjoy?_

* * *

****Chapter Two: Like Snow**

'_Living is simple, _

_And breathing is easy_

_It's easy to do…'_

Fai craned his neck, trying to spot his spiky-haired companion. Even from his prime position in the tree, he could only see to the entrance of the martial arts building.

"Aw, Kuro-tan, why're you making me wait?" He whined, startling a few passing students; Fai really blended in with his dark green military-style jacket on. He shivered slightly, blinking as a few errant snowflakes dusted past his eyelashes.

Finally, he spotted the swordsman-in-training exiting the building with a mousy-haired freshman in tow. The studying magician waited until Kurogane was just under the tree, and then… he _pounced_.

"OI, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU?!" bellowed Kurogane, who was now lying on the cold concrete with a tall, thin, grinning blonde on top of him.

Fai wrapped his arms happily around Kurogane's broad shoulders. "I was waiting for Kuro-pyuu!"

The mousey haired freshman looked around uncomfortably. "Uh…"

Fai looked up. "Hey, Kuro-kuro! Are you gonna introduce me to your new friend!"

"Why the hell should I," Kurogane grumbled, shoving Fai off.

The training magician landed on his butt, giggling uncontrollably. From his position on the ground, he raised his hand to the freshman. "M'name's Fai D. Flowright! I'm Kuro-pyon's roommate!!"

The boy blinked. "I'm Syaoran," he said, shaking Fai's hand.

Kurogane stood, grumbling as he brushed leaves and snow from his jacket. "Very nice, very chummy," he grunted.

Fai blinked up at Kurogane. "Are you just going to let me lay here on the ground?" He flopped over, arranging himself spread-eagle on the sidewalk. "All damsel in distress-like?"

The swordsman-in-training glared down at his blonde roommate. Fai pouted, his eyes glinting mischievously. "In the snow? I'll get sick…"

The idea of a sick Fai did not only irritate Kurogane, it terrified him. He leaned down and grabbed the lithe man's wrist, hoisting him up.

Fai instantly took this opportunity to throw his arms around the taller man's neck, giggling. "Yay!"

Syaoran blinked, looking back and forth between Fai and his upperclassman. "Um… Kurogane-san… Are you and Fai-san… Going out?"

* * *

Fai leaned forward, holding his pillow against his chest. "Don't tell me you're still mad, Kuro-chan," he whined, pouting over at his roommate.

Kurogane grit his teeth and ran the towel across his hair just a little bit harder. "Shut up."

Fai slid off of his bed, striding towards his roommate. "Look, I'm sorry. I didn't mean for that kid to take it that way," he mumbled, laying a light hand on Kurogane's shoulder.

The kendo student stared down at the blonde, frowning.

"Look, I'll make it up to you; there's a big floor party upstairs tomorrow night. I've been invited and I can take one friend with me. How about you come?"

The black-haired junior thought about it for a moment. With a shrug, he agreed; why turn down a chance for free beer?

* * *

The music pumped sensuously, and the sent of sweat and alcohol and strong perfume permeated the warm air. It was slowly choking Fai. His fingers slipped from the slick cup, and the sweat-coated styrofoam fell to the floor, the sticky sweet cola and tequila splashing against the feet of some sophomore he didn't know. No one seemed to notice him, in the middle of the crowd, hot and sweaty, freaking out.

He couldn't breathe. He was dying. Bodies were moving against his, and for some reason it disgusted him. Maybe it was because he was so sickeningly smashed between the alcohol and the drugs that were being passed around. He slowly stumbled out of the crowd, falling limply against the hall window. The glass was freezing, and the blonde man slowly realized that it was snowing again.

He trudged to the elevator, and took it to the ground floor. He walked outside, and collapsed in relief in the nearest snow bank.

He lay there for the longest time, listening to the dull pound of his heartbeat synching up to the party music from the third floor. Snow fell around his body, and he stared up into the snow globe-like sky. Fat flakes swirled down in the sky, covering his drink-warmed body.

* * *

Even without the alcohol, Fai was very tolerant to cold, having grown up in the snowy regions of Japan. And even after being away from it for so long, he could still hear feet crunching in the snow.

"Oi, what are you doing?"

Fai slowly moved his head to stare at Kurogane, who was crouching down in the snow next to him.

"Sitting."

"You're freaking laying in the snow. Why?"

Fai gave a soft groan. "I couldn't breathe… too many people… too many," he whispered, reaching out to his roommate.

Kurogane, who was drunk as well, blinked slowly. "Are you okay?" An answer never came except in the form of Fai's slim arms wrapping tightly around his waist.

The swords-major fell forward, right onto Fai.

"I'll be alright, I guess, Kuro-chan."

Kurogane braced his arms to either side of Fai's head, frowning. "What?"

Fai blinked innocently up at the man, lips parted. "I… don't know," he mumbled. "Too drunk to reason, I think…"

And then, he leaned up and pulled Kurogane into a tight kiss. He pulled away, breathing hard. "I'm cold, Kuro-sama. Keep me warm…"


	4. Chapter 3: Like Life

**A/N: **_Well, I thought that maybe, I should stop trying to get everything perfect and just post the damn chapter. –sigh- This chapter gave me hell; it never saved right, it got converted into BINARY CODE once (the freaky type that's all boxes and Cyrillic, not the type that can be reverted back to ASCII), then school got so crazy I couldn't write AT ALL, then I got the FLU (WTF, I thought flu season was over! :cries:), and then I babysat a kid who thought everything was going to kill him, so when I got home I was dead tired. So, noooooo, I didn't abandon it; just dead to the world. This story's my baby! Well, for right now, anyway. And for why I copped out on the lemon, I, just frankly, didn't feel like dying by blushing while I wrote so… Nope! Happy summer with a glass of limeade that should have been a glass of lemonade. But there's plenty of time left for me to write one, besides, I think this is a good teaser of what's to come. ((And, oh, now you can kinda guess at the ending! Well, not really, but you can try.)) _

* * *

**Chapter Three: Like Life**

_Telling me to __go_

_But hands beg me to stay_

_Your lips say that you love_

_Your eyes say that you hate…_

It had to be the alcohol, Kurogane reasoned. It would be the only reason he'd be toting a half-undressed Fai to their room, making out the entire way. But as he tried to reason himself into stopping, he hit a very sensitive spot on Fai's body that sent the blonde into mewling moans. Then he began to wonder why he even thought about stopping at all.

"Oi…" he panted, breaking away from their kiss. Fai pouted, his lips slick and swollen, and the swordsman-in-training couldn't help but sweep in for another, instantly sliding his tongue into the magician's hot mouth. Once again, he pulled away. "I've got to unlock the door," he whispered.

Fai sighed, sliding out of Kurogane's arms. "Alright," he grumbled, crossing his arms.

The raven-haired young man eyed Fai warily; the blonde was leaning impatiently against the hallway wall, watching Kurogane with predatory, lustful eyes.

The swordsman-in-training laughed softly, pushing the door open with a twist of his keys. Fai immediately stalked in, grabbing Kurogane's hand and dragging the swordsman in with him.

Kurogane blinked, realizing that Fai was the type to be demanding when drunk—that suited him just fine.

He grabbed the magic-studying blonde from behind, his arms wrapping around Fai's stomach, his hands sliding slowly into the other's pockets.

The blonde gave an impatient groan, pushing back against Kurogane. "Don't tease," he ordered in a tone that the swordsman-in-training just had to obey. In fact, the raven-haired student wondered if Fai was using his magic as an upper hand.

Figuring that obeying was the quickest way to get Fai to stop pouting, Kurogane removed his hands, then stripped the blonde and himself. He pinned his roommate against the wall, pressing in and against him, causing them both to see euphoric stars and white.

* * *

The light was blinding, and the covers were stifling. Kurogane grunted, trying to roll over, only to find that he couldn't. He opened a bleary, irritated eye to find out what was inhibiting him, only to find his blonde roommate sleeping peacefully on top of him.

"What the fucking hell!?" The swordsman pushed at his newly-deepened roommate, ogling at the man's bare body. Then he groaned, remembering what had happened.

Fai cracked his eyes open, scowling. "What is it?" he asked grumpily. "I was having a rather nice dream."

"Oy," the other man grunted, glaring at Fai, "You know last night, right?"

"We went to a party, went outside, then we came back and had sex," Fai said simply, sitting up. "Something the matter?"

Kurogane scowled; there was something off about how Fai was acting, but he decided not to pursue it. "Yeah. Forget about it."

"What?" Fai inquired sharply, the breath hissing through his teeth.

"You heard me."

The blonde's normally kindly blue eyes suddenly hardened and iced over; his face changed very suddenly in visage. His lips thinned and curled back, exposing his bared teeth in a feral manner. "Excuse me, I _think_ I _must_ be hearing things _wrong_," he growled, his fists tightening so much that his skin went paper-white against his knuckles.

"I said, forget about it. It was a mistake," Kurogane snarled, "We were drunk; who'd actually think I'd want to sleep with you?"

"It was _not_ a mistake," the blonde said dangerously, inching forward.

"Like hell it was!"

"It was _not_ a _mistake_," Fai repeated, reaching out. His hands fastened themselves tightly around Kurogane's neck, and he pressed his fore-fingers against the other man's carotid artery and his thumbs found their way to the pressure point behind Kurogane's ear. "Say it—_it wasn't a mistake_… Repeat it after me: _It. Wasn't. A. Mistake_. "

Kurogane knew how to defend himself, so it wasn't long before his fist found its way to Fai's chest, but it wasn't before he had been starved of enough air to almost pass out.

"Are you some sort of fucking psycho?!" He hissed, grasping at his throat. "Get the hell away from me!"

Fai wheezed, his own gasps paling in comparison to Kurogane's huffing pants. He looked up, terrified.

"I…" he whimpered, shaking his head.

And then he burst into tears. "I! I'm sorry! Kuro-chuu! Please!" he cried, reaching towards his roommate.

Kurogane pushed Fai away, the blonde grasping at air. "I said get the fucking hell away from me, you!"

With a trembling gasp, Fai nodded, sliding off the bed.

After a few minutes of silence, the blonde got dressed and left. Kurogane lay back in the bed, massaging his throat. "Damn, he was going to kill me," he mumbled hoarsely. "What's his deal?"

* * *

After wandering around for a few hours, Fai stumbled into the local cemetery. His feet took him the normal route, and he collapsed in front of a white marble monument. He curled up tightly, ignoring the pains in his chest and backside, huddling against the cold stone.

"I miss you so much," he whispered, "I need your help…"


	5. Chapter 4: Do Not Die, and Do Not Forget

**A/N: Whoo-hooo! A new chapter that's up quickly! I think I'm on a roll! So, we get more of a grasp on Fai this chapter; not much, sort of a teaser for what's to come? Any guesses on who's the guy in part two? (Can you now see the ending **_**beginning**_** to form?) **

**The song at the beginning is "Ice Queen" by Within Temptation, last chapter was "In Pieces" by Linkin' Park. Read and review! **

* * *

**Chapter Four: Do Not Die**

_Come on! Just feel it!_

_Don't you see it?! You'd better believe!_

_Whenever she is raging, she takes life away;_

_Haven't you seen? _

_Haven't you seen the ruins of our world?!_

"Hey, hey, hey…"

Kurogane grunted, turning his face away from the soft touch that was pervading his sleep.

"Kuro-sama, wake up… Please?" Fai urged, laying his head against his roommate's chest. "I can hear your heart beating… So don't play dead."

"If I didn't punch you off of me, I wouldn't have to play," Kurogane growled, moving to push Fai away.

The smaller man grabbed the swordsman's hands, tightly entwining his fingers with Kurogane's. "Kuro-sama, please, listen to me," Fai said softly. "May I please explain?"

Kurogane shifted himself into a sitting position, and Fai quickly snuggled into his roommate's lap. "Hey! You! Get off!"

The blonde tipped his head up so he could see the swordsman-in-training, grinning blithely. "I'm sorry," he chimed.

"For what? Almost killing me, or cutting of the circulation in my legs?"

Fai laughed quietly at the snappish response. "I'm sorry that I can't move," he replied, dropping his head. There was a long pause; "But I am sorry about this morning… I've never had a good… grasp… on anything, you see…"

"You've a wonderful grasp on annoying the crap outta me," Kurogane grunted.

Sadly, Fai smiled, shaking his head. "Nothing like that," he said quietly, "… I can't… I'm not…"

Kurogane heard Fai trail off, and started to tell the magician to get on with it, but then he heard it. The utter despair that was shading his roommate's speech. It was so unlike the blonde that it shocked Kurogane and made him listen.

"I'm sorry I couldn't control myself this morning," Fai muttered resignedly. "If Kuro-sama doesn't want to be roommates anymore, if he doesn't want to see me anymore, it would be fine. It would be best, because… next time, I might," he said, voice cracking as tears fell from his eyes, "I might actually kill you… just like him… you'll be gone… And it will be my fault!"

_The inside of the room was completely black; there was no light that night. Outside, the midnight was inky, and the stars were shrouded by the heavy clouds. There was no moon. _

_But they both knew; they knew that door was there. The dark wood was scarred with deep gouges that were stained with blood. One pair of the two hands that inhabited that room were skinned to the bone, with long splinters trapped deep inside his flesh from clawing at the door. _

_They knew; they knew the window was there. It was barred with steel and iron, and it was inescapable. The same pair of hands knew that: wounds embedded with glass festered and burned. _

_One slept. One stared blankly at the direction of the door, unable to do anything but dream of escape. They leaned against each other, basking in each other's warmth, and took comfort in the other's life. _

_And the door opened. A glint of metal shone in the hand of the one who opened the door. _

_The wounded one ran, slipped past the man with the gun, and escaped. He kept running, even when he heard the gun being fired. _

_Eventually he came back, and he found his brother dead. _

_He could've taken him with him; the man couldn't see both of them in the dark. But now… _

"_**FAI**!" _

Kurogane stopped; it seemed like his heart stopped beating, and his lungs stopped working for a split second. In that second, he wondered what he should say, what he should do.

And then that second was over.

He wrapped his arms around Fai's waist. "Idiot. I can't change my room," he muttered, "Besides, this morning…"

Fai stiffened against Kurogane's touch; "This morning," the raven-haired man continued, "Was a mistake in itself."

"You'll stay with me, then?" The blonde asked tentatively.

Kurogane felt one of Fai's tears drip onto his arm, and he knew that no matter how hard he tried, the answer could never change. It was simply fate, and he couldn't run from it. "I could never leave you," he answered, brutally honest.

"I'll kill you one day," Fai choked, shaking his head, "Get away from me when you still can."

"_**I won't die**_."

Fai gasped, like he'd been punched in the stomach. Kurogane's words touched a part of his heart that he'd tried so hard to deny all this time. With shaking hands, he grabbed the other man's arms, sobbing. "You can't say that!" he cried, "You _can't_!"

Kurogane didn't indulge the blonde to an answer.

The two stayed like that for a long time, and they both knew the exact same thing:

In the few months that they'd known each other, something had happened. They'd fallen deeply and irrevocably in love with one another, and nothing could now pull them apart.

They'd also changed by meeting the other; things from the past were being dredged from memories, and the masks the men hid behind were crumbling to dust.

Only time could tell, however, whether these changes were for the better…

Or worse.

* * *

**Chapter Four, Part Two: Do Not Forget**

_Events outside the world of the Tokyo university were slowly beginning to change as well… _

"Well," the lawyer began, studying the file that lay in front of him. "My first question is, why did you wait so long to appeal to your confinement?"

The man smiled softly at the lawyer, "I honestly can't tell you," he said lightly. "I suddenly realized, I suppose, that twenty years of prison time was worth my misdemeanor. It may've took me five years to realize this, but better late than never."

"Sir, you sexually and physically abused a minor," the lawyer said, blinking.

The man grinned chillily, his long bangs falling into his face; "He was sixteen at the time, and perfectly consenting up until the point he called the police. I just suspect he wanted attention. He was always such a lonely boy… "

"His testimony against you was rather unsettling. He said you practiced magic on him?"

"I have no idea where that silly boy drew that from; see, it says in the case then that I objected to that."

"Why?"

"I was my own council at the time."

"No, why did you object?"

"Because I practice herbal remedies. Occasionally, when he was sick, I would administer herbs to him. Nothing magical about it; though it could be construed as magic."

"His bruises? He had a broken arm when he testified."

"He was suicidal at points," the man whispered sadly, shaking his head.

The lawyer frowned. "Well, other than this, your record was impeccable, and your behavior since is perfect. I'll see what I can do. Shall I meet you again in a week?"

The man grinned, standing to shake the lawyer's hand. "Alright."

As the lawyer exited, the man's grin spread across his face, and a sadistic gleam entered his eyes. "I will get out, and then you'll get it… I'll kill you for ruining me, Fai," he hissed, before the guards entered the room to cuff and escort him out.


End file.
